Nothing in this blog can be believed. If you think that anything in this blog is true or factual, you'll need to verify it from another source. Do you understand? No? Then read it again, and repeat this process, until you understand that you cannot sue me for anything you read here. Also, having been sucked into taking part in the mass-murder of more than 3 million Vietnamese people on behalf of U.S. Big Business "interests", I'm as mad as a cut snake (and broke) so it might be a bit silly to try to sue me anyway...

Sunday, February 04, 2007

the old geezers...

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of
years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him
fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to
hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the
doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really
pleased that you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just
sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will
three times!"

Keep reading

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a
bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim,
I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know
you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet
my pants.

Keep reading

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after
eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The
two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out
to a new restaurant and it was really great I would recommend it
very highly." The other man said, "What is the name of the
restaurant?" The first man thought and thought and finally said,
"What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know.... the one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards
the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant
we went to last night?

Keep reading


Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being
discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one
elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a
suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave
the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he
reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I
asked him if his wife was meeting him. "I don't know," he said.
"She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital
gown."

Keep reading

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering
things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're
physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down
to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the
old man gets up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the
kitchen?" he asks. "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you
can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too.
Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"
He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl
of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll
forget that, write it down." she says.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember
it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for
goodness sake!" Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20
minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a
plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment,
then asks, "Where's my toast?"

Keep reading

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear
you're getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"

Keep reading

Three old guys are out walking. First one says, "Windy, isn't
it?" Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

Keep Reading

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid.
It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's
perfect." "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."

And finally...

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street
with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "Wow,
you're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "I'm just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot
mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that! I said, 'You've got a heart
murmur; be careful.'"

(Compliments of MangoMan)

4 Comments:

Blogger GreenSmile said...

Best laugh I've had all week, Thanks.

February 05, 2007 4:51 AM  
Blogger phil said...

Almost makes you want to get older (then it wears off). Good stuff!

February 05, 2007 11:25 PM  
Blogger JahTeh said...

I just love an autobiography.

February 06, 2007 5:42 PM  
Blogger Davo said...

am not going t comment .. too close t home ..heh.

February 12, 2007 2:09 AM  

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