Nothing in this blog can be believed. If you think that anything in this blog is true or factual, you'll need to verify it from another source. Do you understand? No? Then read it again, and repeat this process, until you understand that you cannot sue me for anything you read here. Also, having been sucked into taking part in the mass-murder of more than 3 million Vietnamese people on behalf of U.S. Big Business "interests", I'm as mad as a cut snake (and broke) so it might be a bit silly to try to sue me anyway...

Monday, January 22, 2007

An Australia Day message for John HoWARd...

M-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-t-e ...

Being Australian is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then traveling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

Oh and...... Only in Australia ... can an Italian pizza get to your house faster than an Australian ambulance.

Only in Australia ... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Australia ... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Australia ... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters

Only in Australia .... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Australia ... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Australia ... are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION...

3 Aussies die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Aussies were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Aussies are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Aussies have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

8 Aussies had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

543 Aussies were admitted to Emergency in the last two years After opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

8 Aussies cracked their skull in 2000 whilst throwing up into the toilet

IF YOU'RE PROUD TO BE AUSTRALIAN SEND THIS ON!

HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY!!!!

(Author unknown)

8 Comments:

Blogger DS said...

I see we've successfully exported our "values" to Australia.

January 22, 2007 10:00 PM  
Blogger Gerry said...

Well, DS, please forgive me for saying this, but I thought it was written into the "mission statement" that America imposes its "values" upon the whole frigging' world...

Isn't that what America is all about ???

January 22, 2007 10:56 PM  
Blogger Gerry said...

Also, if you Google "driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then traveling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture", you'll get a very cosmopolitan response...

I fear the "author" was a plagiarist...

However, it was still a point well made, I feel...

January 22, 2007 11:05 PM  
Blogger GreenSmile said...

Sounds funny at first. then it sounds like a country I live in. In a colder climate you could add "warm yourself by burning oil that was hauled half way round the world and eat grapes and mellons that were airfreighted in from the other side of the equator"

I am actually hearing an advertisment on radio lately that proposes to help you solve the problem of the sun making your living space too hot...it dumbfounds me.

January 23, 2007 12:24 AM  
Blogger IndifferenceEngine said...

I like the one where scampi caught off the coast of britain are shipped to Thailand to be shelled and then shipped back to the UK for consumption.

'cos, you know, it's cheaper to do it that way...

laugh or cry, up to you.

January 23, 2007 7:34 AM  
Blogger Gerry said...

Well, I have no problem with the multicultural aspect of the first paragraph, and the rest is a good reminder of just how stupid we really are - just in case we were developing delusions of adequacy...

The globalisation thingie? Yeah, well I have been muttering the odd disparaging comment about that kind of capitalist crap, now, haven't I?

January 23, 2007 8:46 AM  
Blogger Brownie said...

G'day Gezza - thanks for the laugh - that post was a bewdy.

Onya.

January 29, 2007 9:30 AM  
Blogger Gerry said...

G'day Brownie...

January 29, 2007 3:18 PM  

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