Nothing in this blog can be believed. If you think that anything in this blog is true or factual, you'll need to verify it from another source. Do you understand? No? Then read it again, and repeat this process, until you understand that you cannot sue me for anything you read here. Also, having been sucked into taking part in the mass-murder of more than 3 million Vietnamese people on behalf of U.S. Big Business "interests", I'm as mad as a cut snake (and broke) so it might be a bit silly to try to sue me anyway...

Monday, January 22, 2007

the challenge...

Sad Susan, who emails me things... often racist, white supremacist stuff which she deludes herself into believing will "convert" me... has sent me this piece of capitalist "humour":
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals; and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girliemen.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.
Your job, dear reader, is to submit a witty liberal riposte to this fine example of Neanderthal "literature"... If this goes untrumped, Sad Susan wins...

8 Comments:

Blogger Kurt Reply said...

Dear Gerry,

. . . a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately. . .

Good Heavens. Shouldn't we ALL know that this is something that should be forwarded immediately -- without questioning any of it?

Yours truly,
Adolf

January 22, 2007 12:28 PM  
Blogger Gerry said...

Sad Susan also sends me seriously anti-semitic shit. I have no trouble at all in imagining Sad Susan as having been Hitler's handmaiden in another incarnation... In this one she seems to be hell-bent on being a KKK moll. I've given up on her. She seems to lack the basics of redeemable qualities.

January 22, 2007 9:05 PM  
Blogger DS said...

The most worrysome aspect of this is that over half of all Americans think the same way as Sad Susan.

January 22, 2007 10:06 PM  
Blogger Gerry said...

Well, to be fair to Sad Susan, I have to say that she merely sent me the stuff. She didn't actually say she agreed with it. But you have to wonder, don't you? I actually have a bit of a soft spot for Sad Susan because she also sends me "good" stuff. DS, she confuses me...

January 22, 2007 10:51 PM  
Blogger Kurt Reply said...

One of the things experts have been discussing for several years now is the increasing inability of younger people to exhibit good levels of critical thinking (and the ability to question authority). Some blame our educational curricula and methods, but there is certainly much more to it.

January 23, 2007 1:47 AM  
Blogger Gerry said...

Sad Susan's about forty, I think. But hey, guys, you're supposed to be busy composing the witty riposte, remember? Off you go, now. We don't want the Good Ol Boys to have the the last laugh, do we?

January 23, 2007 8:59 AM  
Blogger Kurt Reply said...

Actually, I thought I had been pretty witty up there. Besides, some battles just aren't worth fighting.

January 24, 2007 2:59 AM  
Blogger Gerry said...

Hey, Kurt...

You WERE witty..

Now, git down and do tha riposte!!! ;-)

January 24, 2007 10:10 PM  

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