Nothing in this blog can be believed. If you think that anything in this blog is true or factual, you'll need to verify it from another source. Do you understand? No? Then read it again, and repeat this process, until you understand that you cannot sue me for anything you read here. Also, having been sucked into taking part in the mass-murder of more than 3 million Vietnamese people on behalf of U.S. Big Business "interests", I'm as mad as a cut snake (and broke) so it might be a bit silly to try to sue me anyway...

Friday, May 13, 2005

ch ch ch changes...

I think I'm going through some changes. This is a very frustrating time for me. I'm sick of who I was being. I'm sick of being verbally aggressive, confronting and insulting. It's all anger and intolerance driven stuff and I'm sick of it. Yet whilst anger and intolerance are inside me, this stuff bleeds out in my communication. It's the antithesis of nonviolent communication. I have no idea how to become non-angry or tolerant.

I've been advocating nonviolence in the areas of social and political change for some time now. At the Nonviolence Gathering I was once again reminded of the fact that if I want the world to become nonviolent, I first need to become nonviolent myself, and that this includes the need to be nonviolent in the way I communicate. This is a BIG ask. I don't know if I can make that transition.

This brings me to this blog. It's clear that if I'm serious about all of this, this blog will become quite different from what it was. The current blog description and the disclaimer would seem out of place. Most of you might puke and switch off. I notice that it's already like a ghost town around here. Perhaps a whole new blog is called for.

Any suggestions/feedback?


Anonymous Guy said...

It all depends on how you want to express yourself. Nothing wrong with a bit of reinvention if that's what you feel like!

You're welcome to blog your political thoughts here if you like. Drop me a line if you're interested...

May 13, 2005 4:18 PM  
Blogger Brownie said...

read some Quakers stuff?
being confrontational is just the manifestation of spiritual pain.
when you realise that YOU are Superior to the cause of the pain, you will chill out a bit. good luck.

May 13, 2005 10:19 PM  
Blogger Gerry said...

Guy, at the moment I haven't a clue. I'm heartily sick of ranting as an "artform" and I have no idea what I'm going to do next. Thanks for the kind invitation. Yours is the second one recently. But I don't have the guts to blog on others' blogs, let alone my own. I'd feel terrible if I thought they'd lose readers because of my crap on their blogs, and that's exactly what I'm convinced would happen.

Brownie, no, I haven't read any Quaker stuff but I'm impressed by their gentle, moderate, tolerant nature and their commitment to nonviolence.

"being confrontational is just the manifestation of spiritual pain." Is that what they say?

As far as realising that I'm superior to the cause of the pain, well I can't really get my brain around that. I have no idea what the casue of my pain is. When ever I look for possible causes, I just see an endless regression of possible causes. And it's just snowballed over the years and now the pain's so big I often can't be bothered with this crap called life. I'm sick of the neo-conservative psychobabblers urging me to "get a grip". Sometimes I think I'm so f*cked in the head I should do all my writing privately to spare others exposure to this self-pitying crap. Maybe this blog should be renamed "Plodding along to Ennui" or "Banality's Treadmill". Something to warn the reader...

May 14, 2005 12:58 AM  
Anonymous Kent said...

well, I sure as hell won't puke and turn off. FWIW, one aspect of why I like your blog is because you are thought-provoking and clearly involved in what you post about. of course, such things don't require anger & confrontation. but good luck with that - I have no answers.

(for a 'thought-provoking' example, regarding those morality posts you had, I'm starting to read up on it, frustrated because you reduced me to saying "I don't know", repetitively.)

May 14, 2005 2:16 AM  
Blogger Brownie said...

ennui! isn't that a great word. I too am weary of the 'get a grip' people. and 'Cognitive Behaviour Therapy' hmm.
is CBT when you think you are so depressed that you look for a scalpel, and then think No I am JUST 'despondent', I'll walk the doglet.
The pain theory is mine not the Quakers, I only thought of them because I read another blogger had gone to a conference of theirs. If only everybody was a Quaker - how peaceful it would be. cheers, hb.

May 14, 2005 10:10 AM  
Blogger Ron said...

Perhaps a whole new blog is called for

For me, that doesn't work. I spend hours and hours putting together new themes, blogs (at one point I had 9 or so running!) etc but in the end I might as well be knitting - at least I would have a new jumper for winter.

Hang on and keep doing what you are doing - we like it and we keep coming back.

May 14, 2005 10:20 AM  
Anonymous brownie said...

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That's not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That's it.”

May 14, 2005 10:23 AM  
Blogger BigBob said...

Think of it as a journal documenting your progression.

If you dump this one, you don't get to see where you've been.

It's much harder to see where you're going then.

May 14, 2005 5:44 PM  
Anonymous This Is Not A Love Story said...

In my opinion change is always good. Shake things up a bit!

May 15, 2005 8:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

do the change, keep the archive for continuity, like BigBlog says.

I know this sounds incredibly trite, but like everyone here probably I have done some angsting in my life and have earnt the right to talk about it...

sooner or later we end up saying "What, right now, is making me miserable?" Then get up and fix it.

By definition, that something is something we are doing to ourselves. That's what neurosis is.

The smaller and more precise the thing is, the better. Sometimes for me it is just going to the toilet or putting on the fire. Or tidying the office, or paying some bills. Or remembering I love my partner.

This doesn't hack the big things. But it breaks a chain of despondency which in my experience can grind me down.

And Gerry, I reckon you are sometimes cranky, sometimes angry, always thoughtful and honest, and aiming in the right direction. What more can we expect from each other?

Yo from barista

May 15, 2005 11:56 PM  
Blogger Gerry said...

Thanks all you wonderfully supportive people. I'm still mulling over what each of you has said and still needing to "sleep on it" for a bit.

At this stage it looks like I'll keep this blog format i.e. a mix of political blather and personal mutterings with a good measure of self censorship to ensure I don't become offensive, insulting or vilifying in how I talk about individuals or groups. As I learn more about what constitutes nonviolent communcation, I intend to apply that to how I write in this blog. I'm thinking turtle, rather than gazelle though... :-)

Kent, I'm glad I have prompted you to look into the subject of morality more deeply. That's the only way you'll get closer to figuring out what you want yours to be and that's always a good thing. Also, it's often an ever-changing thing for an individual as they evolve through life.

Brownie, yes, "on wee" is a great word. :-) Loved your soldier joke. Very WWI. Bugger the CBT Nazis I say. They come out with things like "happiness is a choice". That's not far removed from "depression is a choice" and of course the old neo-con faithful, "poverty is a choice", and "God helps those who help themselves". (Yes, this nonviolent communication thing might take me a while to get the hang of.)

Again, thanks all of you for your thoughtful comments. Much appreciated.

May 16, 2005 1:53 AM  
Blogger GreenSmile said...

Good on ya. don't give up! I continually give advice on how easy it is to ratchet up the anger, to shove when pushed...and then turn around and smear the idiots who have it all wrong [as I see them].

What I tell myself now and then is that it sure is easier to act like a better soul than some of the fools who attack the very fairness and reason I think should run the world, or at least the civil sphere.

May 16, 2005 3:48 AM  
Anonymous Theo said...

Blogging is not for the fainthearted.

But it could be worse.

May 16, 2005 7:51 AM  
Blogger Gerry said...

GreenSmile, thanks. Like your blog. I'll be a regular reader to be sure.

Theo, the Iranian blogger thing is bad. But I get an uneasy feeling about the source you used. I tried to find some dirt on it but couldn't. Still, I have an uneasy feeling about it. Strikes me as the sort of site that, when the time comes, will gladly carry US propaganda to sell a US invasion. Let's see what happens, eh?

BigBob, I like your suggestion, and, welcome back !!!

May 16, 2005 10:21 PM  
Blogger Deirdre said...

Plodding along to ennui??! Watch yourself, matey! I'll do you for breach of something-or-other, or something... (if I just didn't feel so damn apathetic...)

Non-violent communication can only be good, I'm thinking. But anger has a lot of energy in it, and if it comes to you naturally (I don't know; does it?) maybe there's a better way to channel it?

May 17, 2005 1:16 AM  
Blogger Gerry said...

Deirdre, it took you ages to bite... Your really must read my blog more frequenly, old girl...

And yes, the nonviolent communication thing is BIG. So big I have yet to really find out the full gist of it.

But it apparently has to do with removing all negative emotional content from one's communication. i.e. no sarcasm, anger, vilification, put-down, slur, aggressiveness, belittling, etc. In short, no verbal abuse.

I once read a book titled "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" and that opened my eyes to just how much overt and covert verbal abuse passes between people in relationship when they have unresolved issues eating away at them.

Non-violent communication as a way of life merely extends that theme to the natural conclusion that we are in fact in relationship with everyone and everything and therefore, to heal our psyche we need to apply the prinicples of nonviolent communication to everything we say anywhere and at any time. It's obvious that this would include blogging.

Of course, those of us who believe in reincarnation, can decide that it's all a bit too hard for now and leave it all till next lifetime...

You can see now why I failed Buddhism 101...

May 17, 2005 5:01 AM  
Blogger Deirdre said...

No, no, I LOVE that reincarnation idea: buy now, pay later. It's a winner. I think you should try Buddhism again.

Non-violent communication is the ideal, but why not use what might be your natural talent? This is probably making you scoff, but I'm serious: maybe you're good at being angry. Why not use it to good effect (if that's possible)? Instead of trying to remake yourself as somebody new, accept you're fine as you are and just point your head in a new direction. Or is that just too damn hippy-trippy for you?

May 17, 2005 12:43 PM  
Blogger Gerry said...

Oops, Deirdre, I almost missed this one... You said ...accept you're fine as you are... Bloody hell, Deirdre! Do you know what you're suggesting here? Hmmm?

You're hurling psychological hand granades. But I'm bomb-proof. :-P

In '83 I did this thing called "the est training". It was a thing conceived by an ex-scientologist named Jack Rosenberg who changed his name to Werner Erhard and who has since been hounded into oblivion I believe.

Anyway, upon "graduating" from the est training, we "graduates" were each given a booklet containing Werner's aphorisms, and what you just said could be straight out of one of his aphorisms. I refer of course to this one:

If you could really accept that you weren't ok you could stop proving you were ok.

If you could stop proving that you were ok you could get that it was ok not to be ok.

If you could get that it was ok not to be ok you could get that you were ok the way you are.

You're ok, get it?

It wasn't easy, but I failed the est training spectacularly...

May 18, 2005 3:13 PM  

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