Nothing in this blog can be believed. If you think that anything in this blog is true or factual, you'll need to verify it from another source. Do you understand? No? Then read it again, and repeat this process, until you understand that you cannot sue me for anything you read here. Also, having been sucked into taking part in the mass-murder of more than 3 million Vietnamese people on behalf of U.S. Big Business "interests", I'm as mad as a cut snake (and broke) so it might be a bit silly to try to sue me anyway...

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

straighten up, fly right, and be serious...

(Stolen from elsewhere on the net and placed here for your amusement...)

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet", which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by the maintenance engineers.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative,
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield,
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny,
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.



Blogger Link said...

V. funny.

April 25, 2006 10:16 AM  
Blogger Davo said...

Pilot of aircraft with no engines suddenly sees two. Ground engineers perplexed. (grins)

April 25, 2006 4:23 PM  
Blogger JahTeh said...

Dear Bear, I really needed the laugh this gave me. It also sounds a lot like my marriage.

April 25, 2006 8:37 PM  
Blogger Guy said...

Heh heh. Great stuff..

April 26, 2006 12:05 AM  
Blogger Unsane said...


That sounded like that other person's marriage........ hick!

May 02, 2006 11:11 PM  
Blogger Gerry said...

an I particularly dense? You're the second person to refer to marriages, Unsafe. What's the post got to do with marriage? (scratches head)

May 02, 2006 11:18 PM  
Blogger JahTeh said...

(scratches head) The Bear has fleas?

As to the marriage bit.
The ex liked to barbecue with twenty foot flames and an Hiroshima plume of smoke.

The front door is open so I say to shut it to keep out the smoke.

He says he'll move to the opposite side of the plume to block it. Smoke flows around, through and over him to come in the front door.

Maybe not quite in the same vein as the post but you get the drift.

May 04, 2006 10:52 PM  
Blogger Gerry said...

Ok. I get it. Sort of... Kinda... Maybe...

May 05, 2006 8:00 PM  

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